Peas n'envy

Have ever been eating at a restaurant and noticed someone eating something really good like golden fries or a big chocolate desert and felt immediately jealous? Is that person, just having a rare treat or do they have a great metabolism. You know the guy, the one that eats what he wants and stays thin.

I have a friend, lets call her Elyse, she is even jealous of her string bean kids (dad' side). She even finishes their leftovers. "They eat what they want and stay thin", she says. Whereas, she claims to put on weight, merely looking at food.

I saw people eating desert tonight and I had fruit. As food addicted, can i eat ice cream once in a while ? By not doing so am i likely to binge later?

Never Being Full, do you know what i mean?

I do not know when I am full. I always try to imagine what it means. Today went to lunch with a thin friend , we will call him Horatio (for no other reason than it is an excuse to use a cool name). So I ordered a salad with dressing on the side. I was good, I did not eat the bread they brought to the table. Horatio did not eat bread either. He ordered a Coke and I had water. He had side salad and 1/2 steak/Cheese Sandwich and Fries.

I ate my salad, except for croutons and did not think about the portion size or leaving some on the plate. Horatio (I am beginning to like that name) ate the 1/2 sandwich , most of the salad, but left almost all of the fries (they were home made good ones, not crappy frozen ones). Until, the waiter took the plate away I stared at them, feeling that it was such a waste, so sad for that poor potato. Mostly, i willed myself not to take one. I asked Horatio, why he did not eat them. "I was full" he said. "That is preposterous" I countered. Horatio, laughed and told me he was really full. "What does that feel like"?I asked. He gave me a look like I had asked a very stupid question. However, for me it is not stupid, because i have never been full. I wonder if any of you have the same experience. I understand the concept intellectually, but often need to pretend to my self that I am full or remind myself to leave food on the plate. Oh to be like Horatio, well except for that silly name he has.

Injury setback, be more careful.

Recently I joined a soccer team. Many of the players were 20+ years younger than me. However, having lived in England and feeling that through soccer osmosis, that gives me special soccer skills. Coupled with the fact I see my self as JTN (Johnny Tough Nuts), I felt I could compete. In my first game I did fine, even scoring a goal. However, towards the end of my first game, while passing the ball (which resulted in a goal, I might add modestly), my cleat (studs as we say in UK) got caught in the artificial turf. I felt an obnoxious noise and a pain in my groin. The following morning I had more sever pain in my hamstring and a huge brusie down my leg. I found out later that i had pulled the groin and torn the hamstring. So what does this have to do withe weight loss you might ask. Well basically I am out of excercise action for 5 weeks. So will I baloon up to my old weight or get depressed and eat like a hog?

I took a week of icing, elevating and resting, except for the 8 hrs a day at a trade show. A week later I began to walk each a.m. slowly, very short distances. I went to gym to walk on the track and did situps and upper body stuff, just to keep up the habit. Today I used the spinning bike with no resistance. (This is all under the PT guys advice).

Perhaps more importantly I went back to keeping a food diary. After a day of wallowing in self pity and driving wifey mad, I decided to take action. So, I have been eating very carefully, depriving myself of anything remotely good. Is this a good long term plan? Probbaly not, it would just lead to binging. However, it seemed like a smart strategy during this non excercise period.

The strictness of the food diary and the choices I have made in the last 2 weeks, food wise have really made me feel better and in more control of both my injury and weight. I have not balooned up and I am thrilled. I am now seeing this injury as a minor setback, a time to rejuviante and an opportunity to start running again in a very gradual way.

So injuries, don't need to be all bad. In my case, its a pain, but by having some control over my intake and being super strict has turned it ito a relatively positive experience. Albeit an experience I hope never to repeat.

Always Hungry

I ate breakfast at 10 am, I had a an egg with onions and zucchini and chicken breast. Now it is 12:20 pm I am all ready thinking of food, what should I eat. I will try to drink some tea and hold off on food for another hour or so and then maybe eat a salad. Wow, this gets no easier!

Big fat Liar

I am a fat man. I was 321 pounds, now I'm closer to 230 pounds, but I'm still fat and will always feel that way. I was a fat baby, a fat teen and a fat adult. I spent my life denying I was fat. I always looked at my big arms and chest and told myself i was strong. My huge calves (they supported 300 + pounds , of course they were strong) were a pride. It took my highly elevated blood pressure for me to wake up and smell the pasta, bread, potatoes. I wanted to live longer for my kids and so i lost weight.

Was it easy? No. Is it temporary? Who knows? It is a day to day battle. I avoid Starbucks on the way home, so i am not tempted by a Foo Foo Drink. If there are donuts at work, I stare at them all day or break a piece off and rationalize that I ate only half. If there is food around, I want to eat it. So I leave almonds and apples at work, in order to not eat crap.

I was big fat liar, I thought I was fit, of course I was not. My health has been impacted and I had to change. Many of you out there have the same issue. It is tough and I am sure many of you are sad, depressed and in need of change. Feel free to post or offer one and other advice. This is not a place to be judgmental. it is a place for fat, formerly fat, temporarily non fat folks to help one and other and maybe just to rant about the day to day issues we face. We are allowed to be big and fat, let's just not be big fat liars!